There are 2 things I post regularly on my social media - my outfits & my full bowls of food.
Some of you may find it annoying, some of you have told me 'you love waiting to see what I wear' & some of you may not have noticed. All 3 of those outcomes are fine by me because; I post these 2 important things in my life not to please anyone other than myself.
I post my outfits because I use to have full melt downs about clothes, the sizing of clothes, the wearing of clothes, and the thought of going out. So, my cute outfits that I wear and post now are not to please my social media followers but are a huge reminder that 'I got this', that I look good in anything and I can go out without stressing about how I look because... I am fabulous in anything.
I post my full bowls of food because if you have read all my other blogs, food used to scare me and now I eat and I eat a lot; sometimes more than my husband. I am not scared of food, I love food and it fuels me to do fun activities in my life.
Anyway, why is this even relevant you ask... Moment Eight - my wedding or to be exact my wedding dress 'the outfit', the ultimate outfit.
I would marry my husband over and over and over - planning a wedding, the actual wedding and everything about a wedding was just absolutely divine. I loved it.
Except, the wedding dress process.
After my engagement we had 16 months until the wedding; during this time I was actually doing really well with food and slowly learning to love myself.
I decided I wanted to have my dress made and not bought. I didn't know at the time, but this process was one of the hardest things I had to go through.
Every time I went for a fitting I would cry and not because the dress wasn't what I wanted; I would cry because of how it looked on me.
I was devastated, I was a typical bride though and was loosing weight every single fitting; on my last fitting the dress was too big and they said they couldn't take it in anymore because it would change the pattern. Normally, a bride would be happy hearing this, but I still thought that I didn't look small enough to be 'the bride who was a personal trainer'.
I am not sure exactly what I thought I should look like and was certainly putting this expectation on myself which I could never meet.
Now, anything on the day could go wrong but if I didn't like my dress on me then I wouldn't be happy. Again, this moment made me realise that although my food and fitness was back on track - I still needed to find self worth past my body.
Same as the engagement the fear of having everyone look at me was so overwhelming that I almost couldn't go through with it.
But I did, and I decided it would not benefit me to look in the mirror so I didn't and my day becoming a wife was beautiful & surprisingly I didn't even think of my body.
A happily married couple, we set off to Europe.
Now, coming from routine of training and nutrition on point going to Europe meant eating out all the time and no training schedule.
I love adventure, so to be honest I didn't stress about it. I ate food, relaxed and ate more food.
I gained weight; about 5kg over the month of travelling but I came home with no regrets for the first time ever because I enjoyed myself.
I didn't fit comfortably into my clothes but I had realised something in Europe which was there is so much more to life then giving a F*#k about a size on the scale or how you looked.
Coming back I realised that I didn't have anything to distract me anymore, so it was officially time to start a proper journey to find self love. I started reading, researching, podcast listening, daily routines of affirmations, gratitude - you name it I have tried it.
I first had to hit emotional rock bottom and find the real source as to why I felt this way about myself, and it comes down to many moments and many experiences in my life as I have blogged from moment one to eight.
I just want to make a note that no matter how I felt towards myself and my body - I have never once placed judgement on anyone else EVER; it has always been an internal battle.
To this day, I am still on my journey and I call it a journey as I have great days and some days I have to remind myself that my worth comes from other areas - its a battle that I will always have to fight but I am 1000 times better than I have ever been.
I share my story through my workshops and if you would like to read more about how to find self confidence... come and join in on one of Flirt with Fitness Workshops or check out my 'inimitable image confidence guide' available on our shop sarahconte.org
I hope you have enjoyed my past moments....There will be more to come... stay tuned!!!
With Love, Sarah xoxo