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Moment Two

November 14, 2018

18 years old, and off into the real world I went...

I started studying anatomy and understanding more about nutrition and what our body needed to be healthy. However, at this stage in my life I was still very black and white...there was no grey area, everything was either right or wrong / good or bad including food.


I started eating super healthy and found that I would feel guilty any time I would eat take away or sugary foods. Then making my way into the fitness industry, there was this expectation (that I created in my mind) that you were to eat clean; so I became even stricter on myself when it came to eating. But this isn't my moment I want to share with you - at this stage I thought that this was 'ok', I would eat clean most of the time then the occasional 'bad' food and things were fine. 


I thought I was a typical girl who had body image problems 'not liking my legs' and 'wanting to be skinnier'; like, doesn't everyone go through these feelings???


The moment I want to share with you is very confronting and something I haven't told many people, so here goes:


Moment Two, begins with the friend conversations that we have while getting ready to go out or planning our weekend outfit - you know the old saying "do I look fat in this?". I had a friend who was very unwell suffering from her own eating disorder; we were all getting ready to go to a party and she came and stood next time me to compare her thighs against mine then asked the other girls "do my legs look as big as Sarah's?". 

Now, to this day I know that my friend was not doing this to make me feel bad or to harm me, she was doing this to fight her own demons that she had going on; BUT.....


This was my next moment on my journey of body image problems - I went home and stood in the mirror and analysed my thighs over and over; from then on... before we would head out on the weekends, I wouldn't eat... so I would look "skinnier" to keep up with my friends. I then followed through with purging 3 times only when eating 'bad' foods including ice cream and chocolate. In my mind, this only happened 3 times and it only happened when I ate the 'bad' foods. So, I didn't believe I had a problem and eventually I moved on from these friendships and found myself feeling better and this didn't happen again. 


I continued to eat well with the occasional 'bad' food treat and I found myself working at a gym where I was not only training but taking multiple classes a day. I was super fit, young, and ate well - but not for long......




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